Updated: Jun 6, 2020

Written May 15th, 2020

Changing the conversation of fertility | The problem with my identity

Letting go of identity | Why holding this identity is hurting your fertility

Infertile (noun): inability to conceive children or young


When we gain a diagnosis we hold onto it and form it as our new identity. The longer we live with that identity the more that it becomes apart of us.

"The longer we live with that identity the more that it becomes apart of us"

When I was diagnosed with PCOS at age 16 years that became my new identity. I was the girl with PCOS. I created an identity of self that revolved around PCOS...

I gain weight easy because...I have PCOS

I have to exercise more because...I have PCOS

I won't be able to have children because...I have PCOS

I have to eat controlled meals because...I have PCOS

I sleep more because....I have PCOS

I see this with my fertility clients...

I can't get pregnant because... because I have unexplained infertility

It is hard for me to get pregnant...because I have unexplained infertility

My body is defective...because I have unexplained infertility

I've been TTC for 2+ years...because I have unexplained infertility

"This isn't to discount your experience and diagnose, it is to illustrate the power/problem to owning a diagnosis as your identity."


The problem with me "owning" my PCOS identity is that I didn't know how to function without it. I didn't see my life without it, therefore I couldn't create it.

When you hold onto the identity of infertility, you are blocking your ability to create a life without it. Because your brain says:

"Okay, I'm that infertile"

And you continue to perpetuate that belief which creates your reality. The mind is powerful beyond measure. There's a reason so many people talk about the mind because the mind creates your physiology.

When you claim an identity you continue to create that experience. That's is how the mind works, it takes in information and creates the experience.


We are going to take this beyond woo woo. This is science...We know that the brain and gut are connected. We know that they body produces emotions, depression, anxiety based off the experiences that we have within our mind.

Western medicine understand depression & anxiety to be the problem.

Chinese medicine/acupuncture understands depression & anxiety to the the symptom.

Naturopathic medicine understands depression & anxiety to the the symptom.

Ayurvedic medicine understands depression & anxiety to the the symptom.

Homeopathic medicine understands depression & anxiety to the the symptom.

When you experience __________________.

Miscarriages, loss, failed attempts, constant disappointment you experience sadness, grief, shame, loss. That leads to perpetuated anxiety or depression.


Because thoughts about what you are feeling COME FIRST.

Emotions of feelings about that thought COMES SECOND.

Physical expression/physiology COMES THIRD.

I'm not talking about not accepting what is in front of you. You are on a journey of conception. But you will never escape or be free from a label you hold close to your heart. You are on a journey to be a mother. You are not infertile, you are healing your fertility. One give you empowered freedom and the other makes you feel less than you are worth.

3 Things you can start immediately to retrain your mind:

1.) Affirmations --> Change the verbiage that you are using about your journey and experience. Retrain your language to what you want to live instead of what you are living. This allows the mind to step into the moment of what you are trying to achieve rather than being stuck in the past identity.

2.) Meditation --> Control your mind with meditation. Allowing your mind to go to a different place of deeper acceptance can help you create your future. Find a channel that resonates with what you are trying to create and find a message that is love.

3.) Work with a mindset coach --> find someone who works with subconscious programming who can help you change your mental patterns from a deeper level. Impacting the subconscious mind is getting to the core.

If you are looking for a coach and strategy, check out the fertility vault.

We also offer a mindset training here: Click here

#fertility #infertility #womenshealth #reproductivesystem

#pcos #endometriosis #mindset #Mindtraining

Melanie Legend Inc. - Disclaimer for Melanie Legend Blog

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